I Love My Gym

I'm kind of sad because I haven't seen inappropriate shorts man in a long time. He used to be there every Tuesday to make my day just a little more exciting. I can only assume he was run out of town by the "Citizens for Full-Length Pants" mob. It's happened before.

Speaking of the gym, did I ever tell you the story about the scary weight machine repair? I was on the elliptical, minding my own business, when a man arrived towing a lot of equipment, ostensibly to repair one of the weight machines. The one that was about 6 feet away from me. Well, apparently this repair required metal grinding. The guy gets out a scary looking rotating wheel tool, and as soon as he touches it to the machine, sparks start shooting out at least 12 feet.

I'm bopping along, singing "My booty's too bootylicious for ya babe!" ohmygod HOLY SHIT THERE IS FIRE SHOOTING AT ME! It gets better. After the metal grinding, the dude gets out welding equipment. You know, a really bright torch and a huge face mask to protect his eyes from the damaging brightness. Um, excuse me? Can I have a mask please?

Because seriously, he starts welding right in front me, and I'm trying to avoid looking at the bright light that could possibly permanently damage my retinas, and THEN the entire gym starts filling with toxic smoke. It was Saturday afternoon! There were people there! But I didn't want to seem like a wimp, so I just moved to the furthest-away treadmill.

And don't even get me started about the girl running on the treadmill wearing flip-flops.

Quilt, Chips, Bike

For years I've been saving up all the XL t-shirts (mostly) given to me for free. On almost every occasion, the person handing it to me looked at my 4'10" self and said, "Well, I guess you can use it as a night shirt!" Instead I decided to make them into a quilt:

If you can see the date on the blue shirt, you can see "1993". . . so I really do mean I've been saving these for years. I still need to add a border around the outside, and of course quilt it. I'm not really sure how I'm going to quilt it, since the squares are 12" and you need to quilt every 4-5" at least. I'm thinking of just quilting a smaller square into the middle of each large one.

Have you ever been to Big Lots? It's a pretty gross store, but they do have the most hilarious products. Such as this:

Haha! I just love the expression on the guy's face on the right.

And... my new bike!! I've been wanting a new bike since I bought a $20 clunker 2 years ago. I was torn between a road bike and something less road-y, but I finally settled on this hybrid. It has shocks, which are great for the horrible asphalt 'round these parts. And air actually stays in the tires! I have a new goal of buying 1 tank of gas a month, and I've already clocked about 50 miles on this thing. (More on bikes in a future post.)

6 Random Things

I've been tagged by Ashleigh at Random Field Notes to share 6 random things about me... I've never been tagged before! Here are the rules:

The rules ::
: Link to the person that tagged you
: Post the rules somewhere in your meme
: Write the six random things
: Tag six people in your post
: Let the tagees know they’ve been chosen by leaving a comment on their blog
: Let the tagger know your entry is post

1) I'm possibly unhealthily obsessed with lists. For example, I keep track of all the books I read - in at least three places. I have a written list, a spreadsheet, and a list on goodreads. Along with that, I have lists of books I want to read, a log of every time I work out, grocery lists, yarn shopping lists. . . and the list goes on.

2) I was almost in the movie Hearts In Atlantis. A couple of friends and I went to the open call for extras, and were cast in a carnival scene. Unfortunately, we got a call late one night saying we would have to show up the next day, which happened to be a day most of us had college exams. Oh well, I'll just have to find another way to be famous.

3) I really love throwing things away. When I finish something out of the refrigerator and throw the container away, I'm filled with a huge sense of accomplishment. Take that! ketchup bottle! You thought you'd be around forever? Oh yeah? - Well I finished you! Muhahaha....

4) I haven't eaten red meat or pork for 7 years. I have never missed it and have never had a craving for a hamburger or anything like that. I don't really do it for moral reasons, but mainly for health and thinking that meat is "gross." But you have to admit, watching a cow being slaughtered is pretty disturbing. Chickens I don't have a problem with. I would totally chop the head off of a chicken if it came down to it.

5) I don't really like dogs (hot or otherwise.) I do ok with small dogs that remain quiet, but I feel like they require too much attention and are generally slobbery and hairy. Plus, there are a great many dogs that approach or surpass my weight, which makes me scared of them. I have felt panic rising in my chest more than once while being chased on my bike by a pit bull. When my cat tries to bite me, I laugh and mock her.

6) For some reason some Jehovah's Witnesses were bent on converting me a few years ago. When they showed up for the third time at my door, I had to resort to lying. They said, "Is Sarah there?" I said, "Um, no." The woman responded, "Wow, you two look alike." "Um, we're sisters. Uh, she's gone to visit our mom," I said. I'm pretty sure they were on to me, but they went away. Now if the doorbell rings and I'm not expecting anyone, I won't answer it. (I'm pretty sure I've told this story before. Deal.)

Now I'm going to break the rules by not tagging anyone. If you want to list 6 things about yourself, go ahead, consider yourself tagged.

Reading Books Online

If you are as into reading as I am, then you are always looking for extra times to sneak in a book. Say, for example, you have a boring job that requires little intelligence, and your co-worker wears fake vampire fangs to work. It would be a little obvious to kick off your shoes and curl up in your broken office chair with a book, but what if you could make reading look like work? Then read on, my friends.

There are tons of books online, mainly classics, the reading of which will make you feel vastly superior to your friends and co-workers (because you are vastly superior.) Start with Project Gutenberg, probably the biggest of the eBook sites. If you can't find it here, The Online Books Page links to virtually every book online.

The biggest complaint most people have with reading books online is that it hurts their eyes. Try this trick: copy and paste the entire book into Word. Then, in Word, go to the "Preferences" option (I'm not sure where this is on PCs... on a Mac its under the "Word" menu.) Under the "General" tab, click "Blue background, white text." Trust me, the light words on a dark background are much easier on the eyes.

Don't have time for unlimited slacking during the day? DailyLit will e-mail about 2 pages of the book of your choice to you every day. This is particularly good for difficult books, that you want to claim to have read, but don't actually want to read. Although keep in mind that if War and Peace is one of those books, it will take you several years to read it on your email.

If you are lucky enough to have audio on your computer, and can get away with wearing headphones at work (or if you have your own office... although in that case, you really shouldn't be wasting your time doing this. Get back to work!) try LibriVox. These are free audio books (again, mostly classics) recorded by volunteers. This can be hit or miss, in that the volunteers' audio equipment and reading voices can greatly vary. But it's still better than listening to your co-workers discuss their latest questionable weight-loss strategies.

Happy slacking! I mean, um, working.

Socks & Plants

Ooh, a sock! I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little sick of these things. I started these last June... nearly a year ago. I finished one, ripped it out, made this one, and am currently working on the third (but really the second) of the pair. I think one of the problems is that I'm not really a hot pink socks kind of girl. When I bought this yarn, the dominant color seemed to be purple - but hidden inside was a whole lotta pink. I'm sure I'll wear them, since mostly socks get covered up by pants and shoes, but I'm sort of tired of looking at them.

In other endeavors, my plants continue to be very tiny (especially the spinach, below.) A few of my bean plants look promising, although a recent Rainstorm Of Death finished off the less hardy plants. I swear, it doesn't rain for 5 months, and then its a horrible torrential downpour. Even though I don't think I'm going to have a huge vegetable harvest this year, I'm optimistic for the future. If I ever live in a cooler climate with ample space to plant things in the actual ground, I'll certainly give it a go.

It's getting hot in here

Last weekend one of my college friends came down from Albuquerque for a visit. This was a good excuse to do some things that I've been putting off... first up was a 5K. This was my 9th race - but the first one in almost three years. Luckily numbers worked for us. My friend (who is an awesome runner) won the women's 5K, I got third in my age group, and my husband got first in his! It's quite possible that there were only 3 people IN my age group, but that's neither here nor there... at least I showed up, right?

Afterwards we drove out into the desert, in search of water. Lo and behold, it exists! This is Sitting Bull Falls. If you look really, really closely, you can see water flowing down the rocks. Nigara Falls is it not, but we take what we can get.


If you hike up to the top, you can see the source of the water... you CAN see it, right? There was a shirtless hiker who we saw coming up quickly behind us, and I commented to my friend, "Hey, he thinks you're hot, he's coming to talk to you!" He passed us gruffly, and I might have said a little too loudly, "Well that guy sucks, we didn't want to talk to him anyway! Shirtless hiker must be too good for us." We turned a corner and there he was, giving us a dirty look. I have a problem with waiting an appropriate amount of time to insult/negatively comment on people. Whoops. This is probably why I have no friends.

Coming up... plant and sock updates. Can't you just feel the excitement in the air? Also, another quilt... even though I haven't finished at least two.

RIP Needle

After several years of faithfully helping me churn out socks, one of my sock needles has given up the ghost. I've been impressed by the KnitPicks needles, but I have to say that these ones are just a little too short for my hand (it's the shortest length size 1). With the needles in my hands, the heel of my hand presses directly on the join. So, it really was a matter of time before one of them broke. Alas, now I must go purchase another one. And $45 of yarn so I can get free shipping.

And in other news, my summer is going to be way cooler than yours. Guess where I will be living for 3 months this summer? I'll give you a hint:

Yes, that is Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park! While I won't actually be living in a geyser, I will be just inside the West Entrance near West Yellowstone, Montana. While I am no longer part of the park service, I did marry into it, which is proving to be a good decision. I can't tell you how happy I will be to leave my current work circus, hike, explore, sleep, and read really long books. And of course my adventures will be chronicled here, so that you can live vicariously through me. Come visit!

Growing

Things are growing slowly but surely. Below, you can see the failed Jaywalker sock, and the crosswalker that it will soon become. I liked the look of the Jaywalker, but the darn thing would not go over my heel. Sorry dude. You're about to be ripped.

This is the first year I'm going to grow my own vegetables. I'm not sure how well this will work, with all the 100 degree temperatures and scorching sunshine and whatnot, but at least I know this Jalapeno plant will survive. This picture is totally misleading, since this pepper is only 1" long. But at least it's not dead.

In other news, I've recently started a second job. It's not really a "job," but just an opportunity for freelance editing. Unfortunately for you all, I signed a confidentiality agreement, so I can't post any horrendous writing here for us all to laugh at. It really is a pity, since I've definitely gotten my share of entertainment at other people's expense. Just know that if you submit your "book" that was based on "your own experiences," your editor will incessantly mock you to family, friends, and co-workers.
___
For all you readers out there, did you know that Anne Perry is a murderer? Very interesting.

Goals - 25%

In December, I wrote down a few goals I hope to accomplish this year. First among these was to read 50 books by the end of the year. I'm holding strong at 16 so far:

1. The Modigliani Scandal - Ken Follett
2. A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian - Marina Lewycka
3. Blueberry Muffin Murder - Joanne Fluke
4. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close - Jonathan Safran Foer
5. Holidays on Ice - David Sedaris
6. How I Live Now - Meg Rosoff
7. Lady Chatterly's Lover - D.H. Lawrence
8. Wide Sargasso Sea - Jean Rhys
9. The Hound of the Baskervilles - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
10. The Plot Against America - Philip Roth
11. The Post-Birthday World - Lionel Shriver
12. In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto - Michael Pollan
13. The Devil and Miss Prym - Paulo Coelho
14. Cavern - Jake Page
15. How Starbucks Saved My Life - Michael Gates Gill
16. Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life - Amy Krouse Rosenthal

The bold titles are those appearing on the "1001 Books to Read Before You Die" list. I didn't count 2 Poe short stories as books, but adding to that the 5 above, I've now read 56 of 1001 (a whopping 5.59%). I understand why the suggested time period for this is "before you die."

Out of the titles above, I'd have to say that Cavern was the worst. The only reason why I read it was that it takes place in the town where I live. Besides the plot being totally ridiculous (pre-historic bear that can hibernate for 50 years at a time and lives in a cave awakens and starts eating people), the writing was horrible. So, do bears have emotions? Page would have you think so - apparently when bears eat someone, they are "enraged" (not, say, hungry?)

Some of the highlights were Wide Sargasso Sea, a book about the life of "the madwoman in the attic" from Jane Eyre. The story was beautiful and haunting in all the right ways. Also particularly hilarious was Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. This isn't a novel, but rather a series of very short essays, alphabetized, focusing on random snippets of Krouse's life. I wish I had written it, since at times I was convinced it was actually about me.

I haven't gotten to the colorwork thing yet. This mostly has to do with not having appropriate yarn... if only I could just walk over to the yarn store and get some. But since there is no yarn store within a 150 mile radius, I have to think up enough stuff to order to get free shipping at KnitPicks.

The Modern Letter Project is currently on hiatus (their hiatus, not mine.) Frankly, I'm glad. Out of the 6 letters I was supposed to receive, I only got 2. I was very close to quitting, since writing letters and getting no reply was annoying. I guess it's back to friends. Do you want me to send you a letter? Say so in the comments!

I love hats

It's true. I love hats. I also love knitting hats: they're fairly quick, and the possibilities are endless. Also, they are (most of the time) knit in one piece, so that when they're done... they're done. Here's my latest hat, just in time for the beginning of our 7-month Southwest summer.


The pattern was a free Ravelry download: Just Like a Peasant Cap. There is also another similar pattern available on Ravelry, which is knit in the round rather than flat & seamed, but I liked the gathered look in the back. (Oh yeah... I used Berocco Comfort, which is an acrylic blend. It is very soft & I would definitely use it again.) I LOVE the double seed-stitch pattern, and will definitely be using it in other projects. I wish I had made the gathered part a tad bit smaller, since the hat is slightly back-heavy. Of course I always have one or two regrets every time I finish something... but that aside I LOVE this hat.

Even Kiska got in on the hat action (she is fond of chewing on the ties.)