Remember the time grad school tried to suck your soul away? Yeah, me too. That was funny.
I am embarking on a campaign to disrupt this epidemic of seriousness. Examples of late have included taking a hot pink pillow to class (result: people think you're sick) and randomly getting onto the floor to demostrate a particularly difficult yoga pose (result: people think you're sick.)
Today, I have decided to reply to the spam and internet scams which constantly come to my email. I received an email telling me that I have won 2 million pounds (British Currency) through some non-existant "random drawing of foreign email addresses." In order to claim my winnings, I was to contact Mr. Norman King. And contact him I did!
Dear Mr. Norman King,
Wow, you can imagine my surprise when I opened my email and saw that I
had won millions of pounds! But then I started to think about it, and
I realized that I do not want millions of pounds. You see, I already
weigh about 425 pounds, and I feel that more pounds would be a
horrible burden. I find it difficult to get out of bed in the
morning, as moving my massive bulk takes more than the feeble strength
I can muster. My children are embarassed to bring their friends over
to play and my husband has long since moved into the spare bedroom.
Wait, were you making fun of me?? How can you offer to give me MORE
pounds? I am already teetering on the edge of depression and think
constantly of ending my miserable, miserable existence. And now, you
threaten to push me over. How dare you, Mr. King, how dare you. You
bastard.
Sincerely,
Ms. Winner
