1. Let's all just stop having this conversation: "Oh my! It is 95 degrees and 80% humidity outside. We are all going to die!" "But oh, I lived in [insert name of southwestern locale here], and it was 110 degrees outside every day! I am impervious to heat." "But that was A DRY HEAT."
As a public service, I am going to settle this debate once and for all. They are equal. 95 degrees + 80% humidity = 110 degrees + 20% humidity. Consider the matter closed. We are all equally tough.
2. If you feel the need to drag a rolling backpack or briefcase back and forth to work every day, then perhaps you should invest in some organizational courses because you clearly have too much stuff. Your desire to take your hoarding on the road is going to kill someone one day. When there are 1,000 people behind you on the escalator standing approximately 4 inches apart, that 5 seconds you take to bend down and re-extend the handle of your oversized commuter bag undoubtedly leads to the person behind you leaping frantically to avoid the inevitable stampede at the bottom of the escalator. One day that person behind you is going to be a 95-year old holocaust survivor with a cane, so think of how bad you'll feel when she gets crushed in a metro station after fighting so hard to survive the Nazis.
3. As long as we're on the subject of public transportation, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that standing closer together will not load the bus faster. It's like the bus is a black hole, and as soon as the door opens, the crowd outside gets sucked into the vacuum. Apparently the more mass you have, the faster you get sucked inside.
4. Jeggings. Really? REALLY?
5. Fried butter is a real thing. We are all going to die [for real this time, not just like in #1].
